Why do grandparents not necessarily want to look after their grandchildren?

For parents, grandparents are often seen as an easy and inexpensive childcare solution! However, nothing obliges them to agree to look after their grandchildren, and some do not even want to… Even if they are retired and have, technically, more time to devote to them. But why don’t they necessarily want to do it?

Grandparents, as an easy childcare solution?

According to one study of the Department of Research, Studies, Evaluation and Statistics (DREES), published in 2018, “only 2% of grandchildren under 6 are primarily looked after by their grandparents”. On the other hand, the latter are more often a secondary mode of care, during the week, for 9% of children under 6 years old. The share for children under 3 years old increases to 13%. “Recourse to grandparents is more frequent during the week than at the weekend”, specifies DREES. This is particularly the case on Wednesdays.

“In total, grandparents provide approximately 16.9 million hours of care per week for children under 6 years old, distributed at 8.2 million hours for children aged 0 to 2 years and 8.7 million hours for 3-5 year olds »explains DREES.

As the institute also points out, “paternal lineage and maternal lineage are not equally invested: 58% of children are taken care of “occasionally”, “fairly often” or “very often” by maternal grandparents compared to 44% by paternal grandparents ».

Why don’t grandparents always want to look after their grandchildren?

Whatever their age, grandparents today are increasingly accepting that they do not always want to look after their grandchildren. Some are even ready to ask for a financial contribution from parents! Above all, it is not because they are retired – a large number of them – that they want to devote all their time to their family. Retirement is also the ideal time to take up new activities, but also to travel, all within your means.

“When the vacation dates don’t match, if you already have projects planned, it’s not possible to look after the grandchildren. On a daily basis, it is better not to do it too often, because it is tiring for grandparents. There is also an obligation to take care of small children in place of parents, to pick them up from school, take them to sports and to the doctor. But the worst is when parents want grandparents to educate their children and teach them politeness! »exclaims Michèle, herself a grandmother.

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As for Violette, she gave up looking after her granddaughter to spend a romantic weekend. “My children didn’t really like it… I felt guilty, but at the same time, I also had a great opportunity to stay. I felt like I had to ask my children for permission to leave.”she explains.

For other seniors, caring for grandchildren can also add additional fatigue, especially if they are young. You must therefore have the energy to take care of them properly, and this is obviously not given to everyone. The financial aspect can also come into play, because depending on the activities that we have the youngest ones do, or the simple fact of feeding them, can represent a certain cost.

For fear of being seen as unworthy grandparents, some of them do not admit that they do not really want to look after the little ones. Out of guilt, or to relieve parents sometimes in a complicated situation, they may feel that a refusal would be unwelcome. As always, for harmonious family relationships, the best way is to communicate!