how to avoid separation?
You were used to your daily life as an active person, but today, when you retire, you feel like you’ve lost your footing. And your relationship bears the brunt of your new situation. Our advice to find your early complicity and avoid a breakup.
When we meet retired, routine can quickly take over from daily life. While you used to spend your days away from your home and your spouse, working, you find yourself today doing different things and doing things at home.
You may feel like you’re reacquainting yourself with your other half or experiencing their mood swings and having them constantly on their backs 24/7. For many couples, cohabitation can quickly turn into a disaster and become unbearable: the rupture is then inevitable.
According to figures from the French statistics institute, 20% of active 65-74 year olds and 12% of inactive people of this same age were divorced in 2018. In 2014, there were 13,947 men aged 60 and over who were divorced in France while in 2004 there were only 8,203 according to INED! As for women over 50, they accounted for 29% of total divorces in 2016, compared to 11% in 1996.
Divorce of retirees: rising figures
This divorce phenomenon retirees is explained by the departure of children from the family home, the transition to retirement, the emancipation of women who have recourse to divorce more easily and without worrying about what people will say. Some people want to take control of their lives, try new things, to meet new people or of take a new start.
“Spouses can disagree. One is a homebody, the other wants to go around the world. Find common ground ? They no longer want to provide this effort. As soon as the retired husband stiffens, becomes tyrannical, the wife has the feeling of being suffocated. In case of conflict, divorce now appears as one of the solutions., exposed the psychologist and psychoanalyst Anastasia Blanché at The cross. “If women ask for a divorce to find themselves, at least initially, men get back together more quickly”she adds.
Finding a bond and intimacy after years of marriage
The secret to nurturing your union after the years spent starting a family, raising your children and with the difficulties overcome, is to find yourself and fall in love with your partner again. You can try to rekindle the flame by sharing convivial moments for two (cultural outings, leisure or sports activities, etc.) while being attentive to the needs and expectations of your other half.
“Dedicate this day entirely to your spouse. Experience has shown that couples of a certain age are psychologically linked. Their feelings are shared and their emotions too. Therefore, pleasing your spouse is also pleasing yourself., remind our colleagues from Practical life. Do not hesitate to turn to specialists if necessary or to do couple therapy.